Saturday, March 10, 2012

ME THE MALAYALI





DICTION,FASHION & PROPORTION

A. DICTION.

It is the innate ability of my Malayali ancestry, to rival the English language like an Englishman that compels the Ghost of Wordsworth to change colour from pale white to buffalo green. While the poor Brit spewed through his stiff upper lip, constipating generations of Union Jack oratories,  the Malayali chettan let loose from his stiffer lower lip, flooding phonetic lavatories. Thus, 'temple' to the sundry was heard  as 'temble','simply' as 'simbly', the feline 'cat' stretched its existence to 'caat' , the killer instinct in a 'donkey' was replaced by the sublime g-string sporting 'dongey' and certainly not the least,the runaway fraternal slang 'pop' has been elevated in diction, to the papal distinction of 'pope'. Thus,heard commonly in flavoured Kerala pop musical circles   'Madonna is singing and dancing to sexy pope music...papa don'd breach'. The Papacy, as we read is still reeling under Madonna and Malayalis in equal measure.


B. FASHION

Half my country cousins are. accused of being trade unionists. The other half is believed to run the Indian  porn industry. This explosive amalgamation of Karl Marx and Vatsayana is epitomized by the  lungi. Worn perpetually at half mast, the garment is hoisted or lowered  with ergonomic ease before a labour strike or after hastened copulation,whichever his day begins with. Either way, the lungi is the atomic Keralite's cultural flag that sways on a steady diet of testosterone. In native dressing ethics, an act of omission will displace 'Gods own nut'

C. PROPORTION

When mentioning nuts,  the Malayali  and the omnipresent coconut is a gleaming symbol of man-tree love.In the many positions revealed in the 'cocosutra' , the fruit and its bearer, a sky kissing palm tree, haunts the average Malayali from birth to death. The man vehemently displays the utility of the omnipresent coconut using liberal geometric progression. If cooking is undertaken with the produce of one tree a day,Hair will be greased with the produce of two trees a day.If both the above are true, toddy will be consumed with the produce of nine trees a day.If not true, please pull up your nuts and quantify 'true bloodiness' as equal to jero. 




12 comments:

  1. LOL...I have many malyali friends and I know their love for english language. I am so confused when they tell me about cities as the pronunciation is far from being what it is...

    The resemblance to coconut and the porn link is still new to me...I am at the stage where I am learning about them...

    Lovely caricature and an awesome post!!!

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    1. Saru..I fear being ostracised by my kith and kin for this write.The truth on the diction remains where as fashion and proportion are exaggerations written to stimulate the funny bone.

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  2. lol.. Hilarious.. you had me cracking up on this one...
    Glad to have found you at indiblogger. your newest follower and a regular visitor now.
    cheers
    Kajal

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  3. Thank You Kajal, i hope these posts measure up to the expectations you have marked. Glad to have you on board.

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  4. Very well expressed Sir!! I can feel the pain :D
    This is my take on Malayalee protocols :-
    http://sober-tooth.blogspot.in/2012/02/being-mallu.html

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    1. Rohit..No Pain, No gain. Delighted to have updated my protocols by reading yours :D As we say..adi polli

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  5. chetta ...out done again....forgot the gold.....

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    1. Micky... thank you, did not want the three pillars to be outweighed and out priced by gold.

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  6. Spoken err written like a true blue malayalee ! Moi Bambaiya frens used to tease all annachi's equally and say that the lungi or veshti aka dhoti was also aircon vending vastram for the men during summer lol.

    Know very few malayalee words oon kazhaicho, yende patti, sugamano, saramilla, enthaa molu, kochu molu, yendha, irrukunnu (?)or something like that. My mallu teachers @ skool would murder our names t became dh and h became g. Ditto wid the tambram ones water became waater and dharmender became tharmenthra :(.

    lol nice and cutesy post. Err but the pic really huh u gots only a few stray ones like the thailavar. The ear hair (cilia) is rofl true but rofl !!

    Mucho hilarious post da

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    1. Mami... wonly we haave 'indepth' knowledge of the veshti aka lungi.Personally, it is my favourite haute couture :D
      Your Malayalam will send a Fraud Mallu like me scurrying for cover.After rendering this post, one phrase I am increasingly being made familiar with is 'yende patti' :D
      The picture in question is no where close to me, though I often pray to the all-mighty to bless me with such a thick shoe brush under my nose.But alas...he says, son...none !!

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    2. Mama: So no bushy mush huh ! The won and wonly reason I married my hubby was becoz he sported a thick mush and now alas mush bhi nahin and no bush on his head. This cari sorta resembles him sans the coconut, the cilia and of course he still has more hair than the thalaivar.

      Sorry abt the patti just had to mention that lol. Cant speak like a true blue tambram or mallu but then again, I can always sport a 9 yards, tie my hair in a braid and prance around like a mami :P. Hey hey hey how come wonly you folks have 'indepth' lungi\dhoti knowledge lol....evry other person in thainaidu..incl Chidambaram dons a white one :)

      ok this was cathartic (for stress you see) had a good laugh and a much needed one. I am quite zimbly njoying your posts please now dont start charging the traffic just coz I said so. Altho would make good side income you see, need an agent ? lol k gotta go take care of the boring boorish household routines rofl.

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  7. Too good Ravi.. Short and crisp and I can hear it crackle along with a chuckle..and in diction.. coconut turned to cockonut these days.. 😁😁😁

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