'BOO-FOR'S & soldiers of fortune'

In military thinking, the might of a gun depends on the quantum and ferocity of firepower it can bring to bear on opposing forces. However, when the 'know all' bureaucracy and 'wealth sucking' politicians enter the domain of military shopping ,for an ant hill,you pay the price of a gold mine.

Going by history, we have a time tested yardstick for choosing our arsenal . Long ago, a very talented gunsmith from a far away land ,caught the drift of a trade wind in the ocean and set sail to sell combat wares to our all and mighty. On embarking on our shores, to his dismay, he found fellow gun smiths from banana republics far and wide, selling sanitary pipes capable of launching a single pseudo pregnant bull frog across the neighbours maternity chamber as mainstay artillery. 

Aghast at the buyers propensity, he chose to allow his wares to stand out in merit. BOOM went the gun. The military stood impressed, the competition stood perplexed, the conniving cocktail of bureaucracy and polity found grass growing under their well greased feet. The gunsmith felt, he had clinched the deal on the worth of his barell.

A small framed bureaucrat, well traveled at the expense of competition,  stood up, brought together his hands in applause and remarked ''brilliant.....very promising, but we are a peace loving nation, arsenal of this magnitude will commence the end of the world from our own daisy and orchid bearing back yard, what we seek is a muzzle that can launch stool pigeons from one end of a ping pong table to the other. So...very good, but unfortunately does not serve our purpose ''  With this announcement, it was now the turn of the military to be perplexed,competition to be impressed and the bureaucracy-polity duo to mow unwanted grass from beneath their well anchored feet.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is also part of the dismal  tale of how we as a state indulge in the worthy art of state sponsored shopping.

 

HU JINTAO : Chinese Feud for thought

A powerful man from China

swallowed a starving hyena

when contemplating bowels

he mixed up his vowels

and now,there is a soiled arena

When his neighbour fired a rocket
the China man fetched a musket
showing his tears to the world
thought he had them blurred
Alas,the show slipped out of his pocket

Having felt the pinch
He decided to shift an inch
kissing his neighbour's cheek
on the rocket he chose to peek
Horrendous it may seem ,his hind is feeling the lynch.

The President's Principles of Flight

The unsuspecting taxpayers weak heart would not so gladly,miss a well deserved beat when stealing a curious glance at the Presidents travel bill. 

Rs 205 crore on overseas jaunts alone ?????

What did the honorable President of an austerity preaching government do to incur such an elephantine travel cheque ? But obvious, this is one pinching query that will solicit no convincing answer. However, touts brokering banana republics on e bay have a theory of their own to offer.A spokesperson from the Presidents office, a subset of the above tout clan, on conditions of anonymity uses the forces of flight viz Lift,Weight,Thrust and Drag to explain the result of the obese 'phoren' travel bill.

LIFT

This is a positive force wielded by the President, her kith, kin,fauna,flora,germs,virus and anything in the vicinity bearing a presidential liking. This microcosm can lift itself from the presidential confines of Rashtrapati Bhavan to enjoy a tan on the pristine beaches of Greece or gyrate to the rhythms of hip dislodging Samba in Brazil.All courtesy, the power flaunting wings that have elected her to office.

WEIGHT

If you are a distant cousin of the President who harbours dreams of skiing in the Alps, dial 'A' for auntie dear and that will ensure that the office of President is not weighed down by decorum, rule or principle. Rest assured,her good office would have you manifested on the festive chartered jets holiday itinerary. 

THRUST

Thrust is defined as the force that propels an object forward.Thrust is also defined as this gentle, kind and caring force which sends the President and her extended family to  twenty two countries on an all expenses paid holiday. Accommodation, local travel, daily allowance and "miscellaneous" expenses, according to the information provided by the ministry of external affairs, is only a meager 36 crore. Now what great force of this nation can propel whimsical gimmicks of this proportion.The answer lies in the obvious,polity of the day,plagued by ethical paralysis.

  

DRAG

Philosophically, life is a vicious circle.In saying so, we get the governance we deserve.If the electorate was vibrant,judicious and mature, the 'drag' acting  on such an audacious wanderlust would have ensured a no take off.

RUSKIN BOND : What goes around,comes around

It is with a well meaning sentiment I attempt to replay cherishable slices from my formative years. During those knicker clad days,post dinner, my father followed a sedative ordeal.He would would lodge his warring  brat pack  on his cushioned lap and read aloud short stories from books piled up in the study. Those, were also the fragile moments, when serene tranquility descended in liberal servings to every rattled corner of our commotion garnished home. This process of story narration, constructively shaped our adult minds. My favored reading, revolved around the acclaimed works of two gentlemen, icons in their own right : Sir Baden Powell and Ruskin Bond. While the former shaped passion for outdoor living,field craft and a bouquet of lessons that formidable leadership programs would want to emulate, the latter nurtured love and respect for nature, an insight into the cherished wilderness and painted rural India as bursts of green hues where time stood still,only to be unsettled by the sighting of a wandering panther or the growl of a stray tiger seeking out a prey.   

It was happenings like those that infused  a fresh contrast to the crisp settings that his words described. Ruskin Bond thrived on a charm well woven. In doing so, his  tales helped me dream of undulated stretches of land carpeted in pristine grass, divided by crystal clear streams, fenced by snow capped peaks and kissed by the rising sun. In such serene settings, little me always managed to find a cameo appearance. Interposed into my fathers narration, I bargained to be brave Tembu in The Tiger in the Tunnel,  Lion hearted Jai in The Eye of the Eagle, Little Bond in Grandpa tickles a tiger  and just me in the other many stories narrated. The Bond magic had become a staple nightcap that helped me slip into my own sphere.

On my part, I yearn to relive those moments, both as a father and a son. As a parent, I attempt to narrate Bond's captivating  aura to my six year old offspring.He first protests, then the charm of the man takes over........ !!  

The caricature I have sketched is by no measure an attempt to mock the man who has left a deep impression on my literary taste and most importantly,the sense to merge with and respect our natural surroundings. 

FAROOQ ABDULLAH's piggy bank woes

Recently, a socially mannered and well meaning piggy bank, the largest in its stock, lost its way from its rather humble sty in the Jammu & Kashmir Cricket Association run piggery and wandered into the ministerial abodes of the associations chairman. Predictably, like most of his stock, his innards were emptied of every last dime and the vacuum bellied pig, unceremoniously shown the door.

Tired,hungry and exhausted, the mass of swine and twine commenced retracing his naive and misled steps back to his feeding ground when en route, he was ambushed by the fourth estate.A hasty interview,familiar in tone but tangent in content followed...

Piggy Bank, Piggy Bank, where have you been ?

I've been to the chairman, to be wiped out clean.

Piggy Bank, Piggy Bank, what did you do there ?

I straightened the other pigs who went against the chair.

With the interview done and the valley abuzz with the news of a scandal, the hollow willows of the valley commenced a new game, the blame game.

The centre stage actor, in his signature style, appears, floods his eyes with a  liberal flow of crocodile tears and utters the award winning cliche , that every politician learns when he enters the arena  ...'' this is a political conspiracy ''  

Well....take your pick...CONSPIRACY or CON-S-PIRACY ?