ME THE MALAYALI

DICTION,FASHION & PROPORTION

A. DICTION.

It is the innate ability of my Malayali ancestry, to rival the English language like an Englishman that compels the Ghost of Wordsworth to change colour from pale white to buffalo green. While the poor Brit spewed through his stiff upper lip, constipating generations of Union Jack oratories,  the Malayali chettan let loose from his stiffer lower lip, flooding phonetic lavatories. Thus, 'temple' to the sundry was heard  as 'temble','simply' as 'simbly', the feline 'cat' stretched its existence to 'caat' , the killer instinct in a 'donkey' was replaced by the sublime g-string sporting 'dongey' and certainly not the least,the runaway fraternal slang 'pop' has been elevated in diction, to the papal distinction of 'pope'. Thus,heard commonly in flavoured Kerala pop musical circles   'Madonna is singing and dancing to sexy pope music...papa don'd breach'. The Papacy, as we read is still reeling under Madonna and Malayalis in equal measure.

B. FASHION

Half my country cousins are. accused of being trade unionists. The other half is believed to run the Indian  porn industry. This explosive amalgamation of Karl Marx and Vatsayana is epitomized by the  lungi. Worn perpetually at half mast, the garment is hoisted or lowered  with ergonomic ease before a labour strike or after hastened copulation,whichever his day begins with. Either way, the lungi is the atomic Keralite's cultural flag that sways on a steady diet of testosterone. In native dressing ethics, an act of omission will displace 'Gods own nut'

C. PROPORTION

When mentioning nuts,  the Malayali  and the omnipresent coconut is a gleaming symbol of man-tree love.In the many positions revealed in the 'cocosutra' , the fruit and its bearer, a sky kissing palm tree, haunts the average Malayali from birth to death. The man vehemently displays the utility of the omnipresent coconut using liberal geometric progression. If cooking is undertaken with the produce of one tree a day,Hair will be greased with the produce of two trees a day.If both the above are true, toddy will be consumed with the produce of nine trees a day.If not true, please pull up your nuts and quantify 'true bloodiness' as equal to jero.