In London, fortune favours a Jailbird

    In defying magnitude,the Commonwealth Games 2010 Organising Committee chairman, Suresh Kalmadi chose to wipe clean, soiled buttocks from all over the world, with toilet paper that cost $ 80 a roll. As a twist  of 'but(t)s' , relief  came in the form of counting bars in prison, in lieu of counting clean bottoms at leisure. That however did not deter his soiled hindsight from being persistent with legacy.

   The analogy groomed Mr Kalmadi as an expert on all kinds of paper meant to grease palms and hinds alike.Thus the jailbird ventured from tendering toilet paper for the Commonwealth Games 2010 at New Delhi, to selling them during the 2012 Olympics at London.The business model floored the British Parliament,very much like it did floor the Indian house of chaos . Afterall,the English politicians,like their Indian counterparts, were blessed with stiff upper lips and stiffer colonial hips, both which called for an adequate stuffing of the flimsy.

  

  Suresh bhai's hard selling waist liner only added to the bonding spirit of the games. Displayed on bumping bed boards and lumping toilet seats, the language crowned on Kalmadi rolls, a promising competitive feel.It read:-   

'launder the rear for a winning headstart'  

Now which participating country would leave any stone unturned in an effort to taste victory.To say the least, the ablution stone.Not taking a chance, they took to Kalmadi rolls like a fish to water No...a writer to paper !!! $ 80 is a small price to pay for national pride.

  So what if in his own country, the jailbird's travel jaunt set to peak the mountain of shame,has been castrated by judicial jurisprudence ? In London,the sporting community stood impressed (and clean of course).Danny Boyle promised to pay tribute to the cloud kissing price of the rolls in his next big performance.The British Monarchy have sc'rolls' of honour being readied to be bestowed on the Commonwealth Games 2010 organising committee. As for our man of the moment, Mr Kalmadi...Knighthood is only a 'roll' away.  $ 80 anyone ? 

FAROOQ ABDULLAH's piggy bank woes

Recently, a socially mannered and well meaning piggy bank, the largest in its stock, lost its way from its rather humble sty in the Jammu & Kashmir Cricket Association run piggery and wandered into the ministerial abodes of the associations chairman. Predictably, like most of his stock, his innards were emptied of every last dime and the vacuum bellied pig, unceremoniously shown the door.

Tired,hungry and exhausted, the mass of swine and twine commenced retracing his naive and misled steps back to his feeding ground when en route, he was ambushed by the fourth estate.A hasty interview,familiar in tone but tangent in content followed...

Piggy Bank, Piggy Bank, where have you been ?

I've been to the chairman, to be wiped out clean.

Piggy Bank, Piggy Bank, what did you do there ?

I straightened the other pigs who went against the chair.

With the interview done and the valley abuzz with the news of a scandal, the hollow willows of the valley commenced a new game, the blame game.

The centre stage actor, in his signature style, appears, floods his eyes with a  liberal flow of crocodile tears and utters the award winning cliche , that every politician learns when he enters the arena  ...'' this is a political conspiracy ''  

Well....take your pick...CONSPIRACY or CON-S-PIRACY ?